My son was cheering for the Buffalo Bills to defeat the Kansas City Chiefs in the semifinal match that determines who will play the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl. I told him that if the Bills won, then the entire country would be cheering for them to beat the Eagles. But if the Chiefs won, then the entire country would be cheering for the Eagles.
He switched to the Chiefs, who won and will face America’s team, the Philadelphia Eagles, on Sunday, Feb. 9.
The rest of the country would cheer for Buffalo because the Bills have never won a Super Bowl, are hence an underdog, and because sports fans in general dislike Philadelphia sports fans. But they will cheer for the Eagles now because everybody is sick of the Chiefs. Why?
This is the Chiefs’ fifth Super Bowl appearance in the last six years. It they win, it will be their fourth championship in six years and they’ll be the first team in history to “three-peat.” Fans prefer an underdog. Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs have become what Tom Brady and the Patriots were … the Evil Empire. Or Goliath smirking at David.
There is also a backlash against the world’s most popular singer, Taylor Swift, who is dating Chiefs tight end, Travis Kelce. She is seen in Chiefs gear at every game. Most football fans are not fans of top 40 girl pop. Many would like to see her suffer the agony of defeat, or just disappear from the broadcasts.
There is widespread speculation that the NFL is fixing games because they want to see the Chiefs win. I don’t buy into conspiracy theories, even if they would make economic sense … and tipping the scales for your league’s 27th largest market of 30 does not. But there are people who believe that and will cheer for them to lose.
The suspicion of fixing is a symptom of the real phenomenon of Mahomes drawing penalties by flopping like a soccer player. Americans hate that. It doesn’t help that he appeared in a soccer-like ad this year. The NFL is set to make a rule change because of how effective Mahomes is at drawing questionable penalties with his sliding.
That’s why everybody is cheering for the Philadelphia Eagles to win this Sunday. And for any who aren’t convinced, I try to convert them with the argument that the Eagles are America’s team.
America’s Team
There is this absurd idea in American culture about “real Americans,” as opposed to, I assume, “false” or “unreal” Americans. The idiots that buy into it believe that people in provincial areas are more American than the ones in the big coastal cities. It’s so stupid I don’t want to tackle the issue so much as appropriate it, expose how silly it is, turn it around for my own ends.
I consider a “real American” to be only those whose states were in the United States in 1776. If you’re not in the 13 colonies, you’re not as American as we are. And nobody was as American in 1776 as Philadelphia, where the Declaration of Independence was signed and, later, the Constitution drafted and signed.
My definition would also penalize as less American those in Confederate states who tried to leave and form a different country. That brings us to who most people believe to be America’s team, the Dallas Cowgirls Cowboys.
Not only did Texas try to leave the United States, forcing real Americans to subdue them and drag them back in, but the people of the Dallas area and greater Texas kneeled to kings of the old continent throughout 1776 and for 60 more years. America’s team? No thanks!
Let’s go back to the birthplace, the city of real Americans like William Penn, Ben Franklin and Rocky! What else could represent America’s team but the national bird, the noble eagle?
Kansas City on the other hand chose to worship the pagan Injuns who, like the Confederates, waged war against the United States. Say no to pagan blasphemy, say yes to the city of Penn and Neumann.
This “America’s Team” section is written tongue in cheek, for those on the dim side. On a “scared straight” tour of a medium-security prison in Missouri at 18 years old, a black convict called the native American inmates “Injuns,” so I assume it’s not too bad. Everybody knows black people aren’t racist. Don’t cancel me, bro.
“Black and white,” he said, “And Injun. We got a lot of Injuns here, from Oklahoma.” He was cool. He wanted us to straighten our lives out. This was almost 30 years ago and I still remember everything he said.
I was emotionally invested in the success of the St. Louis Blues in the 2019 Stanley Cup playoffs. I have again, like a fool, allowed myself to be emotionally compromised by a professional sports team: the Philadelphia Eagles, America’s team. But as I learned during their game against the Rams, you don’t feel the thrill of victory if you don’t risk the agony of defeat.
But mainly I’m into it because my son is. It’s hard not to care when you have kids who care.